The Lights on the River
by rubberbandtheory
Summary: Rose and the human Doctor are healing together in Pete's World, but there's one thing standing in their way: They never got the chance to say a proper goodbye to their friends and their world, and now it's too late. But you can't heal if you can't mourn. Rose comes up with an idea.


Television was not something alien to Rose. It'd always been on in the background when she was growing up. Since traveling with the Doctor she hadn't found it very entertaining, but since getting stuck in the parallel world, she'd gotten used to having it on just to keep away the silence.

And since bringing home the half-human, Rose had just never broken the habit. Tonight though, he had insisted on doing the cooking (thus exiling her from the kitchen), so she sat bored on the sofa, flipping through the various channels, most of which she paid for but never watched.

Something animated and flame-like caught her eye. Snapping out of her trance, Rose blinked and focused in on what she had come across. The scene depicted was from some Japanese show, if she guessed the language right, and the characters were setting toy-sized boats with lanterns in them out to the sea. She'd never heard of anything like that before.

"Dinner is almost ready!" called the Doctor from the kitchen. He popped his head into the living room and frowned when he saw that Rose was not even remotely paying attention to him. He cleared his throat.

"I heard you," replied Rose. Looking up for a moment to appease him, she couldn't stifle the giggles: He had a splotch of alfredo sauce stuck in his sticky-uppy hair and he looked as though he was losing the battle against the oven, if the smell of slightly-burned bread was any indicator. "Oh, wouldya look at yourself! You're a mess!"

Satisfied, the Doctor winked and returned to his task, but not before blowing her an overdramatic kiss. He joked, but this was the first time he'd really made a meal for Rose. They made snacks, sandwiches, breakfasts for each other, or went to Jackie's or Jake's, or got some kind of take-out. And they made oceans of tea and coffee for each other and picked up groceries on the way home. But he'd been here almost two months, living in her home as she had once lived in his. He wanted to do something special to show his appreciation.

By the time Rose had found her answers, the Doctor had dimmed the lights in the kitchen, lit candles and set them on the table, cleaned the mess from his hair, and made a beautiful presentation of dinner. He uncorked a bottle of wine and poured a glass for them both. They talked and teased and laughed for hours until the candles extinguished themselves.

After dinner, they hid under their blankets against the autumn chill that permeated everywhere. The Doctor was the big spoon, holding Rose tight to him. His breathing was calm, though Rose could tell he wasn't asleep yet.

"Doctor?"

The Doctor made a muffled sound in response, and she felt the vibration of his voice against the back of her neck.

"I have an idea, and it's gonna sound a bit mad, but I want to do it anyway."

"What is it?" he asked, shifting a bit so he could speak clearly.

"I was watching this thing on the telly earlier and it was this cartoon where people were makin' little lanterns and putting them in boats and then sending them off in a river. I looked it up and it's called-"

"A spirit boat precession." The Doctor finished. "It's supposed to carry off the souls of the dead as people mourn them. Lots of places around the universe have something like that, actually. Kind of brilliant, if you ask me! The whole wide universe, different planets and races and people and languages and we all have the same idea of sending off our loved ones in these little boats with a glowing little light to guide them along. It's beautiful." Rose could feel the grin radiating off his face.

She rolled over on to her other side and faced him. "I think I want to make some lantern boats. For... y'know. Everyone we left behind." She chewed her lip and her eyes flickered down a moment before coming back up. "D'you think we could? Take 'em down to the Thames and- I mean, I know they aren't _dead_, but... I still miss 'em."

The Doctor brushed Rose's hair from in front of her eyes, the smile fading slightly, the light dimming in his eyes. "Him, you mean."

"No," Rose said quickly. "Well, _yes_, but no, _not_ just him. Captain Jack, Martha and Donna, Sarah Jane Smith, Mickey... Harriet Jones. K-9, too, if you want. He was your dog, right? We both left our friends behind in the other universe, Doctor, and we never really got to say a proper goodbye. I think I - I think _we_ need that."

When Rose mentioned K-9, the Doctor knew she did mean _everyone_ they'd left behind. He was surprised she even remembered K-9, and it convinced him that this really was about more than just the other him who was a full Time-Lord. "C'mere," he mumbled, scooting closer to her as she moved in towards him. He pressed a kiss to her forehead. "Of course we can do that. First thing in the morning, we'll go down the shops and get what we need."

Rose smiled and kissed the Doctor goodnight. They rolled and turned a few times, settling back into a comfortable position, and fell asleep. 

The next evening, after assembling the boats, writing messages on the lanterns, and lighting the candles, Rose and the Doctor stood along the Thames, facing out towards the water. Each lantern had something personalized written upon it, heartfelt words from both Rose and the Doctor, all the things they'd always wanted to say but never had the chance. They didn't read each other's words; each message was sacred between them and the people they were mourning.

Rose set the lantern boats along the shoreline, but didn't push them out into the water yet.

The Doctor came up behind her and took her hand. "Are you ready?"

She blinked rapidly and wiped at her eyes. "Never thought it'd be so hard to say goodbye, and I'm not even lookin' them in the face."

He rubbed a circle on her hand with his thumb. "I know."

"This is really it, then. This is goodbye." She tried to keep her voice steady, but it was getting harder. Standing here, it was almost like a funeral. She'd never see these people again in person; only in dreams, if she was lucky enough not to relive the moments in which she'd lost them. A sob creaked out from her throat and she turned into the Doctor's embrace, the wind whipping her hair around.

Feeling overwhelmed himself, the Doctor decided that it was time they sent the lanterns off. Gently, he pulled back from Rose and stepped forward to the shore, ushering the lantern-boats onto the river, one by one. Sarah Jane Smith. Donna Noble. Martha Jones. K-9.

Rose swallowed hard, rubbed the tears out of her eyes, and set Mickey's boat adrift. Together, they sent out Captain Jack's boat, followed by Harriet Jones'.

The other Doctor's boat was now the only one left.

Rose knelt down in front of it, bowing her head, fisting her hands into the mud. Her lips were parted in an open, frozen sob; she choked in gasps of air and the sound of her crying and the sight of her whole body shaking broke the Doctor's heart.

"Lucky man," he mused, unaware he'd accidentally said it out loud. The moment he heard his voice saying the words, he immediately regretted it; now was not the time for his doubts, and he ought to have a little more faith in Rose. No, it wasn't a lack of faith in Rose – it was the bit of Donna, he realized, and how she never thought she was special. He didn't think he was good enough right now, watching the scene before him. But though he recognized what was causing his sudden thought, it was difficult to stop it.

Sniffing, Rose tried to get herself back under control. "It's not that," she said hoarsely, her throat sore from crying. "I just-I don't want him to be alone. I don't care who's there, not anymore, I'm not jealous of who he takes along with him. He needs _someone_, he needs a friend. I have everything now. I have _you_, and my parents, and my brother. But he-" she had worked herself up almost hysterical again.

"Hey there." The Doctor sat down beside her in the mud, pulling her to him and holding her tight. They sat in silence for a few minutes, taking comfort in their closeness, until the Doctor suddenly sat up straight. "Rose! _ Rose_!"

She looked up at him. "What? What?"

"Rose, we have to send the boat off _now_, otherwise he'll never catch up with the others. See? They're a bit ahead already. Wait, no! No no no. Better idea. Here, let me get up."

He kicked off his red converse and stuffed his socks into them. Standing up, the Doctor rolled the legs of his suit pants to his knees and picked up the other Doctor's boat. He waded out until he made even with the little boats and placed the one in his hand in the center of the crowd, giving it a push to keep it going at the right speed. It bumped against Donna and K-9. Sarah Jane Smith led the pack. Harriet Jones watched over from behind.

When he made it back to the shore, the Doctor held his hand out to Rose. She leaned against him and together they watched the group of lantern-boats drift off but not apart. When they finally couldn't see the boats anymore, they looked at each other; both of them had tear tracks down their cheeks. Rose reached up and dried the Doctor's face with the sleeve of her jacket.

"Come on. Let's go home."


End file.
